Sweet, Sweet Grandmama

Shew...I started this post last Thursday, March 18th and I just couldn't finish. Now it is Tuesday night the 23rd and I'm still not sure I can type this. Be glad that you have a computer screen and not me in front of you because I am a mess but I'll try again.

We lost my sweet, precious Grandmama today (the 18th). If you read the blog you know that she got sick really quickly just over two weeks ago. She has been on a ventilator and hasn't been awake that entire time. There was no chance to say goodbye and feel like she heard us. So sad. I've thought so much about our relationship in these past few weeks and am so blessed to have had her love me, and my family, so much. I am thankful that I really don't have regrets. We talked on the phone every couple days. If I ever went without a blog update or a phone call for more than 72 hours I knew I'd hear from her soon! About every 3 minutes of our phone calls she'd repeat "I sure wish you lived closer". Me too, Grandmama. Me too.

It is hard for me to comprehend that I'll never call again and hear her say "um, hello" like she always did. Or that I won't get to respond "hey, Grandmama" in my best southern drawl. And then she'd say "Oh, hi sweetheart!" sounding like my call was the highlight of her day. That has been our usual greeting for thousands of phone calls. And I am going to miss it so badly. I cannot tell you how many times I've already picked up the phone to call her only to realize she isn't there.

I grew up about 3 miles from my Grandmama and because of the store there were weeks, months, years that I saw her every day after school. There are so so many memories of my life that include her. What an awesome gift.

My Grandmama has been one of my biggest cheerleaders all my life but especially these past two years as a stay-at-home mom. She constantly told me how cute my girls are, how smart and how funny. She thought I was a great mom (I know, I know, she was slightly biased since I am her granddaughter). She loved Jared like crazy. If I called and said anything negative she would remind me how well I married, how much he loves me and how hard he works for us. She'd also encourage me to not wear my sweatpants every day when he comes home and to do my hair and put on make-up. That sometimes got on my nerves but she was right!



My Grandmother had 4 children, my dad and his 3 sisters. There are 10 grandkids, 6 older girls and 4 boys, we've so far had 6 great grandchildren. Except for a few of the little ones we were all able to be at her funeral yesterday. It makes me so sad to think about how much she would have loved to be in the middle of us but what an incredible legacy she's left behind.



I feel like there is no way to end this post because there is no way to fully explain just how special she was. Going to her funeral was so hard, leaving the cemetery was rough. Leaving her house last night, knowing that her smell probably won't be there next time I go back, was excruciating. So many sweet memories. Goodness, change is hard. Finality is much harder in this situation and hitting publish on this post is another step that means accepting she is gone. Sorry the blog hasn't been updated recently, I promise to keep it going. She was certainly the biggest reader so I'll do it for her. Loretta, you better be reading this!!!

Thanks to everyone for praying, calling, emailing, taking time to come to the funeral, send flowers, etc. My whole family appreciates how much you loved Grandmama and all of us.